The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize