Swine flu. Run for my life!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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