I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
