fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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