dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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