i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
