talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
