I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
