I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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