She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
