Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
