dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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