I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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