How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
