I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize