you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
