Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
