btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
