sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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