Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
