I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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