dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
