I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
