I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
