I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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