some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
