i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
