I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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