she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
