I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i think my cat just said my name.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
