Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
