BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
