I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
