My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
