you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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