So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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