Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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