I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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