My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He passed out mid-signature
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
