guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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