Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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