Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize