I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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