Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize