hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
