Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
