guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
