I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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