True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
