so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
