it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
