Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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