dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
