i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its liver damage thursday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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