i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
