The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
