but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
