i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
