So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
