Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
