Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
