Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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