It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
