Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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