Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
