return my video game
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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